Oh no, Holy shit
My twin journey started in January 2020 with that positive pregnancy test! Naturally, we didn’t know we were having twins straight away, we had about 3 weeks between learning we were expecting and our dating scan, that confirmed there were, in fact, two foetuses.
I remember the ultrasound like it was yesterday. The lights in the room were very dim, my husband was beside me, and the sonographer was working away. She paused at one point and we were all staring at the screen but she wasn’t saying anything. It wasn’t until I asked “are there TWO blobs?” and she waited a second or two before responding, and then she said
“yep, you’re having twins, congratulations.”
My hands flew to my face and I distinctly remember saying “oh no, holy shit” and my husband burst into laughter beside me.
My pregnancy overall was quite smooth. We went through the motions of buying everything for our twins which of course added up financially, but we were so lucky to have lots of generous support from our family and friends and were also able to acquire a number of items second hand.
As Covid escalated and the world shut down, things took a turn in terms of my antenatal care. I had to have several telehealth consults with obstetricians and their registrars, as I was deemed too high risk to see the usual midwives like a singleton mother would. To me, the Telehealth consults felt very impersonal, I often had to wait hours and hours for these phone calls (during my own work day!) and I felt very rushed. Luckily, this only lasted a month or two and then we were back to face to face consults, however I could not bring my husband with me which we were okay with. We did not bother with antenatal classes as they were held over Zoom and again, felt very impersonal and mostly irrelevant to twin parents.
The two classes we did attend focused mainly on singleton, vaginal births and because my twins were breech/transverse, a vaginal birth was never on the cards for me.
I made it to 36 weeks and 2 days before delivery. I went in for a routine antenatal check, however I was absolutely miserable and honestly wouldn’t have lasted another day of being pregnant. I had gained nearly 30kg, had dreadful carpal tunnel syndrome and reflux that I had to be medicated for, and terrible swelling in my hands and feet. One of the twins’ heads was pushing into my diaphragm which made it very difficult for me to breathe. My belly was so large I had to get my husband or mum to apply my compression socks to my legs. It became apparent during this antenatal visit that something was wrong, and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.
I was booked for a C-section first thing the next morning. I was allowed to go home and grab my bags but had to come straight back to hospital to be admitted. The birth itself was very smooth and calm, and thankfully my husband was allowed into theatres with me as there were rumours that partners were no longer going to be allowed to be present for the birth due to Covid lockdowns.
My boys, Asher and Eli were born a healthy 2.7kg and 2.8kg respectively and came straight back to the ward with me.
Honestly, the first 4 months were a blur, and I look back on those days and I see the person holding those babies and think ‘who is that?’.
I was a shadow of my former self and was just trying to get through one day and one night after another.
We were on a strict routine of feeding, changing nappies, and sleeping. Nothing else. I cried a lot. My husband and I bickered and fought a lot because we were tired and irritable, constantly.
4 years down the track, and I believe I was suffering with a degree of post-natal depression/anxiety, but back then I don’t think it was bad enough to notice, or maybe I didn’t realise that just because I wasn’t feeling ‘depressed’ that doesn’t mean I wasn’t experiencing other signs and symptoms.
I lived and breathed routine during those early days, and to be fair, I still do to a degree. My boys are now 4, and while I am a little more relaxed around their routine these days, I was absolutely militant about their nap and feeding schedules when they were babies and would not let anyone or anything get in the way of it. I would often decline going out with friends or move appointments if it clased with the boys’ nap time, because it was just too hard and stressful to deal with the ramifications of a missed/late nap. My entire sanity depended on it, which I appreciate sounds dramatic, but when you are just trying to survive until bed time, you do what you need to do to get through the day (and then the night!).
My boys are now 4, and they are my best friends. I’m almost ashamed to say that it took me a VERY long time to bond with them. I thought there was something wrong with me for a long time. All I was focused on doing was keeping them alive and any good moments we had along the way were a bonus. Now, I couldn’t imagine my life without them, we do everything together, have seen the highs and lows of parenthood together. They are the light of my life.
Here are my top survival tips for life in the early days with twins:
Invest in a twin feeding pillow (we found a second hand TwinZ pillow and it was the BEST)
Stick to a routine. Don’t let people tell you ‘just go off the baby’s cues’. You have TWO babies. You don’t want to be feeding, changing nappies, and navigating sleeps all day. Find a routine that works for you and stick to it, making changes when the babies are ready.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Feeding our twins took two people for at least the first 3 months. Usually if one was hungry, the other was hungry and there was no way I was feeding one twin before the other while the other screamed the house down.
Make time for yourself if you can. Even if it’s just a ten minute walk around the block with some headphones in (leave the kids at home with someone you trust!). You need time to breathe.
Kelsey Birch x